Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Further to my writing about the cricket commentator’s gaff, on the subject of Holding and Willy during Test Match Special the Mail had a whole article about the various utterances that created uncontrollable giggles in the commentary box and not only the nation at large but all across the world wherever cricket lovers are found, but the Holding/Willy story wasn’t one of them. For example though, one from Jonathan Agnew, talking about a player having to replace the rubber grip on the handle of his bat, describing for listeners who might not be in the know how it is done and saying ‘it’s a bit of a procedure.’ He then turned to Michael Vaughan seated beside him and said, ‘It’s not easy putting on a rubber is it?’ To which Vaughan replied, ‘No it’s not. I was never very good at it.’ Cue laughter. This clip evidently has become a huge hit on the internet. On another occasion when Botham was out hitting his own wicket he said it was because ‘he didn’t get his leg over.’ During an England versus India match Tony Greig was bowling and, when he received the ball from a fielder, he rubbed it on his right thigh to try and coax some shine out of it. Then he decided to change it to his left thigh and the commentary went, ‘Greig walks back to his mark, but just to ring the changes, this time he polishes his left ball.’

It’s just so easy to come out with a blooper when you are speaking off the cuff or even scripted. I remember a recording off an American commercial that was supposed to go ‘The best in bread,’ and came out as ‘The breast in bed.’ And there’s the (I am sure apocryphal) story of a young Victorian actor given his first role who had to run on stage and say his one line which was, ‘Hark, I hear a pistol shot!’ But he was so nervous, his dialogue went, ‘Hark I hear a shostel pit. I mean a shistle pot, oh shit, I’m shot!’ And off the cuff can’t be said of the BBC radio presenter who, innocent lady as she must have been, evidently encouraged children to play with their balls in all manner of means. I wonder if that is also a true story. It’s been going the rounds for years.

Hugh Hefner at 85 years of age is still trying to get his leg over but his 25 year old fiancĂ©e, one Crystal Harris has called off their proposed wedding, having had a change of heart. So money doesn’t buy you everything. Miss Harris was evidently Playmate of the Month in the December 2009 issue of the magazine but has now decided she’s going to be a singer and has just released her first single. Will she become another multi-millionaire I wonder? The world these days seems full of tweeny performers, teenage performers and not quite so young performers like Miss Harris who are now worth millions and their fortunes growing by the day. Their combined wealth must be quite staggering, almost enough to pay off the national debt? Most of them, not being a pop fan, I haven’t heard of but I read recently of one, Joss Stone who made her first record at fifteen and is now reputed to be worth about nine million. Evidently two guys were caught outside her house about to rob and it’s alleged murder her.

I hope all this wealth doesn’t spoil the rest of their lives though it shouldn’t I suppose if they’ve got their heads screwed on the right way. But then who’s to say they have? The rosy highway or whatever it is called is a very slippery path and there are others who certainly don’t have their heads screwed on the right way. Amy Whitehouse for one who has just been booed off the stage in the Ukraine for being drunk and incapable and has cancelled her tour.

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