What a jolly old swizz, to use the vernacular of the early twentieth century, what a let down. The magic day October 14th has been and gorn. Here was I all geared up ready to have m’ groin mashed and electrodes shoved into m’ ticker and what happened? Nothing happened. Sorry, folks, show’s off. This morning I should have been rolled into a theatre and laid out on that hard table with the lead blanket thrown over me, m’ crotch liberally swabbed with antiseptic, instead of which I am here at home writing this for the hedification of my merry readers. Now neither Douglas nor myself dreamed up the scenario we thought was to unfold yesterday so imagine Chris and my surprise when Doctor Goldentummy had no recollection of ever mentioning something like a hole in the heart and an operation to repair same but this is what both Douglas and I remember as we were waiting at cardiac reception for me to be discharged after having the pacemaker installed:-
Dr.G: You have a hole in the heart that must be fixed. It means the blood is going round and round, how can I put it? In a loop. (He holds up his hand, forefinger an thumb making an O). This is the doctor who will perform the operation. (He indicates Doctor George standing by) It is the same as the angiogram except we use a vein instead of an artery. We cauterise it and you won’t feel anything. When can you come in to have it done?
Now neither Douglas nor I could have independently dreamed up this conversation, especially as there and then it was eventually decided my return would be on October 14th when the new pacemaker had had time to settle in and Doctor George took Douglas and Chris into the office to make the appointment. But yesterday Doctor Goldentummy evidently had no memory of ever mentioning the word blood let alone hole in the heart though I repeated all the above to him verbatim. Instead, with the magic instrument on my chest, as he poked the screen of his computer testing the efficacy of the new pace maker and while we kept the next patients waiting, he made numerous phone calls trying to trace my notes (they were eventually found when everything was almost over). Anyway, the upshot of all this is, no hole in the heart operation, the p-maker is working beautifully and what a clever little thing it is, giving the complete history of any aberration since it was put in in July; date time and duration. I never cease to be amazed at what modern computers can do. For example, arrhythmia seven times in July, four in August, only one in September and so far in October none.
So why still this shortness of breath? Well evidently it is not so much the heart as the lungs to blame. After all those years of smoking and with advancing old age they have lost some of their elasticity. I don’t suppose the attack of pneumonia I had a couple of years back helped any.
So there we are – back home and not expected back at the hospital for another check-up until the 1st November 2010. Who knows what the pacemaker will have shown up then?