Evidently some of the chosen are walking around in total bewilderment and can’t understand why the great event didn’t take place, especially those who spent their life savings, in one case £86000, in spreading the message worldwide. Poor fools. As Barnum once said, there’s one born every minute, and he was absolutely right. Never mind those who believed implicitly in the old idiot’s prediction, what about this? A go-ahead atheist businessman in America provided a service for looking after the pets of those who were raptured and they happily paid him $139 per pet. Did it not pass through their brains that, if the prediction had been true and they had ascended with Jesus into heaven, the rest of us were doomed to immediate extinction and that would include the pets? The guy who took their money, as he laughed all the way to the bank, said “They’re going to be disappointed twice. Firstly when it doesn’t happen and secondly when they hear I don’t give refunds.” Now that is the true spirit of the entrepreneur.

And while on the subject of pets, I learn we shouldn’t call them that anymore. From now on in they should be called companions. Well of course they’re good friends and companions. I am the softest-hearted animal lover in the world. I can’t bear to see a scarab on his back, legs in the air, without stopping and turning him right side up and we have had cats and dog friends and companions for many years that have been given the best life we could possibly give them but the fact remains, call them what you will, they are still and always will be “pets.” I believe also we should no longer be known as owners but fortunately I’ve forgotten what we’re supposed to be and I have no intention of bothering with this sort of nonsense any further.

So what else has been happening in the Disunited Kingdom whilst semi-comatose on my sickbed? Well, our teacher friend Nick informs us that kids now have to be licensed before they can use a pen (ballpoint). Licensed! Why? Is Elf and Safety involved here? Is it feared the little darlings might poke themselves in the eye? They could damage themselves with a pencil, with chalk, with their thumb. Which brings me to the Essex headmistress; well liked, well experienced, well thought of, who has lost her job because she thought she was saving a child from the attentions of a possible paedophile. What did she actually do? The boy evidently refused point blank to leave the playground, a highly suspicious character hovering nearby, and, well heavens to Betsy, with the aid of an assistant, she actually laid hands on the boy to propel him unwillingly inside. Can you honestly believe this without your jaw hitting the ground? What would have happened if she had ignored the situation and the stranger really was a predator who made off with the boy? I hope she not only gets her job back but sues for millions.

And last but not least for this time, just as absurd, a station master…But no, I’ll leave this one for next time.