Someone else who shouldn’t be living in England but it would seem cannot be deported because of the Yuman Rights Act is an ex-Mugabe henchman and torturer of opponents by the name of Phillip Machemedze. Why is he still in England instead of being sent back to Zimbabwe? It’s not because he shouldn’t be in the country at all and has been working illegally for seven years but, despite his horrendous past, his Yuman rights would be violated, that’s why. But what about the human rights of those he tortured so mercilessly at the behest and in the name of Monster Mugabe when he was with the feared Central Intelligence Organisation? It is said he smashed one victim’s jaw with a pair of piers before pulling out one of their teeth. Another was beaten and punched unconscious and a woman victim was taken to an underground cell where she was stripped and whipped and Machemedze admitted rubbing salt in her wounds.

In a small way he was made atonement for past sins in that his work in England, illegal though it was, involved caring for those with learning disabilities and on a unit dealing with drug addicts and alcoholics. He also worked for an organisation called The Milestone trust, a learning disabilities and mental health charity. It wasn’t all altruism though. He did in that period earn £151000 but is now out of a job and guess what – applying for benefits of course.

He arrived in Britain in 2000 on a six month visitor’s visa which banned him from working but, like so many illegal immigrants, he merely went to ground.

There was outrage when an immigration court in May ruled he must be allowed to stay because he would face mistreatment if sent back to Zimbabwe. Now, though he admitted in court, to breaking immigration rules, Judge Julian Lambert deferred sentence and said he would not face jail if he volunteered for just half a day a week at his local Pentecostal church for the next six months! Half a day a week! ‘I require you to work hard with your church to make better the lives of the poor and needy,’ the judge said. How he does that on half a day a week beggars the imagination. Does this man live in the real world? Nevertheless, ‘You should bring letters,’ the learned judge went on, ‘to show the good work you have done. If I see you have done good work when you return and I have your promise that you will continue that good work I shall give you your liberty.’ In the slightly truncated words of William Shakespeare, ‘Oh noble judge … most learned judge…’

Moral of the story? No matter what heinous crimes you have committed in your home country, flee to England where you will be treated with kid gloves, and worry not, you are fully protected by your Human rights.