The
invasion of the millipedes. Every year at this time they appear, seemingly out
of nowhere and really with nowhere to go as they cross a wide open space of
floor that to a human being would be any number of miles. The Greeks call them
forty-legs (sarandapotharousa) but however many legs they might have every time
I see one I have been fascinated to know more about them, in particular what
they eat. So finally, my curiosity getting the better of me, I looked them up on
the internet. According to BBC Nature millipedes are a common class of
anthropoids with over 10000 named species! Wot! Ten thousand? Wikipedia says
12000! Millipedes, centipedes, sow bugs and pillbugs tend to move into houses
during brief periods in the spring or fall. By the way, if you’ve never seen
what a sow bug looks like, look ‘em up.
You have never in your life seen such a weird nightmarish looking creature. No
science fiction writer has ever described one I shouldn’t think and one (giant
and menacing of course) has never as far as I know appeared on “Doctor Who.”
Millipedes
eat decaying leaves and dead matter which again raises the question why do they
come into the house where they are hardly likely to find any dead leaves or
decaying matter? Millipedes are slow moving and can
be easily distinguished from the somewhat similar and related centipedes which move rapidly, are carnivorous, and have a single pair of legs for each
body segment. The scientific study of millipedes is known
as diplopodology, and a scientist who studies them is called a
diplopodologist. Imagine you’re at a swish cocktail party and someone asks what
you do for a living and you tell them you’re a diplopodologist. That would
bring the conversation to a sudden stop.
Some millipedes are
considered household pests, including some which
infest thatched roofs in India Nigeria , millipedes are used in pregnancy and business rituals, and crushed
millipedes are used to treat fever, whitlow, and convulsions
in children. In Zambia smashed millipede pulp is used to treat wounds, and
in the Cameroon
millipede juice is used to treat earache. In Malaysia millipede
secretions are used to poison arrow tips.
With certain Himalayan tribes, dry millipede smoke is used to treat haemorrhoids. Now there is
something to make the mind boggle. Don’t lose your balance whilst squatting
over the fire or the results could be painful. Baked balls, barbecued scrotums
are not to be laughed at. So there you are; a short essay on the millipede and
its manifold uses.
These last few evenings we’ve been having a delightful time
watching one of our very favourite soaps, “The Golden Girls.” Just as funny,
warm, and true as it was when we first saw it, how many years ago? 1985. With
quite an amount of sexual references not all that usual for the time, I wonder
how it went down in the Bible belt back then. I have to admit I’m not a great
one for soaps or half hour comedies. I probably watched four or five
“Eastenders” not with much enthusiasm, a number of “Emmerdale” but that was
because, living in Yorkshire , I was hoping to
write for it: a forlorn hope. Loved “Steptoe and Son,” have never seen a single episode of "Coronation Street," programmes like "The Army Game" were simply appalling and more up to date we really enjoy“Ugly
Betty” and “Two and a Half Men,” though it tended to go off the boil slightly when Sheen
left and the beautiful Ashton Kutcher took his place. Absolutely loved Jon
Cryer’s performance and there was real chemistry between them all in the
original cast.
How about someone producing a soap based on the WestBoro
Baptist church? It could be titled “Gays the cause of every calamity,” or "Friendly Faggot."
On a New York street
1 comment:
Well, something killed those dinos.
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